I haven’t felt like I have a lot to say recently. It’s one of those times where nothing is happening but also too much. The work is beneath the surface, subterranean. I usually think of my practices both in magics and creativity as inspiring, sparkly and bright. But what does my practice look like when I feel like I’m in the mud?
Some of the most poignant times in my life have felt like this, like deprivation of some vital sparkle, because it is in those times that I have found the most intimacy with myself. I have found new TV shows & books, made mixtapes, and walked by trees that marked me in some way deeper than usual.
Sometimes when things get like this, I wonder if I need to work harder to keep my practices going, to find that spark. Or if I should just release, let what wants fall to the wayside and sit in the murky muddy becoming. Transformation can feel gross.
There is an element of trust involved in letting go… trusting that just because I am not practicing something now does not mean it’s not important to me. I think about times I felt really depressed and I didn’t play music for months but I still went to my studio and found little things to draw or collage, or how I can drop off of a magic practice for years but I always find my way back. Even if I can’t pray for as long everyday I can put on my rings I dedicated to the earth this year and let the element of earth walk with me through the mud. Sometimes recovery or rest while I’m going through major changes, can make me feel like I’m loosing a part of myself. But maybe in the journey through the mud, I’m actually locating myself in my new surroundings.
Even if i don’t have as much to say now, I think that I will again soon.
Lets keep this conversation going